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Matters of the Heart. Has a Commercial Fuck turned into a torrid Love Affair which has turned your life upside down? Fear not. We have experts here who can help you through your roller coaster ride. Tell us your story and we'll do our best to help. This section is sponsored by Yakuza.

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  #46  
Old 23-12-2019, 01:05 PM
fallen11 fallen11 is offline
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Re: Voice in my head

Quote:
Originally Posted by sexcision View Post
Actually it's considered a win for the guy.
ya its a win.
Another info about that marriage.
His mum-in-law sold her 4 room hdb, moved in to live with them and spent all the proceeds within 3 years.
Really cant help thinking that the wife's whole family was out to milk him dry and discard him after he's being dried out.
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  #47  
Old 28-12-2019, 01:53 PM
EtherC EtherC is offline
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Re: Voice in my head

Happiness is not external. It's a gift we can grant ourselves. Instead of being trapped in a place where we are mired in negatives such as greed/ jealousy/malcontent perhaps you can seek a perspective of gratitude/appreciation.

For your next holiday perhaps you might want to consider joining a charity organization's overseas trip?

There is so much we can do for the less privileged in life & if you live in Singapore you are part of the privileged lot. Happiness can be found more in giving than wanting.

Why is Bill Gates working on reinventing the toilet? He can buy whatever he wants and influence politics in most ways we can't dream of. He can laze around on his private island all day and hold glamorous charity balls.

Because happiness can be found in the simplest of things, its just whether you want to welcome the happiness inside with a different perspective.


Best of luck TS!
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  #48  
Old 30-12-2019, 12:59 PM
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Re: Voice in my head

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Originally Posted by sammyboyfor View Post
We all have our demons.

I don't consider myself mentally unstable but I have reached the stage in my life when I have friends, classmates and acquaintances that have either died or have ended up bedridden from health issues.

Falling asleep used to be easy. My thoughts would revolve around planning for the day or week ahead. Now there are nights when I'm stuck with morbid thoughts about my own mortality and those I care about.

However I have found a very effective solution and it revolves around mindfulness and meditation.

If you have time you should sign up for classes which is what I did to start off with. I attended a 6 session course spread over 6 weeks and it did wonders. There is no stigma attached to mindfulness. Many CEOs endorse it and some companies have incorporated it into their staff routines.

If you want to do it discreetly there are many apps that have been shown to be effective too. eg headspace, sanvello, waking up etc.

Mindfulness involves nothing more than being in the present. It calms the mind and puts life into perspective.

We spend far too much time regretting the past and worrying about the future. In reality we only have the present. Nothing else matters.

When we are 21 years old we don't spend nights worrying about dying even though death is inevitable. We live for the moment and enjoy ourselves. Mindfulness trains the mind not to worry about death even when we are 70 and death may come tomorrow because the present is all that matters.
Great Post. And you are practicing it in NZ, why not Bali? Panama? ... whatever ...you have the money and mobility . It cannot be for the women, you are in NZ.
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  #49  
Old 30-12-2019, 01:41 PM
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Re: Voice in my head

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Originally Posted by dcfv View Post
Great Post. And you are practicing it in NZ, why not Bali? Panama? ... whatever ...you have the money and mobility . It cannot be for the women, you are in NZ.
There is nothing special about mindfulness that requires travel to some exotic location.

Mindfulness doesn't take you to a special place in your head. What it does is give you the skills to savor the "here and now".

I can meditate while driving with my eyes wide open and alert. I concentrate on the sound of the tyres skimming along the tarmac while the engine hums in unison. At the same time I absorb the road situation around me eg what sort of car is following me and the make and models of the cars up front.

When I stop at traffic lights it used to be a frustrating experience waiting for the lights to change and even more annoying if the lights turned red before I got across the junction. I kept thinking about getting to my destination asap and imagined the various consequences of being late.

Now I just use the time to absorb what is around me by concentrating on the sights and sounds and before I know it the light has turned green.

Driving has become stress stress free thanks to being mindful of my surroundings while driving instead of thinking about the destination.
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  #50  
Old 30-12-2019, 03:22 PM
dcfv dcfv is offline
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Re: Voice in my head

Quote:
Originally Posted by sammyboyfor View Post
There is nothing special about mindfulness that requires travel to some exotic location.

Mindfulness doesn't take you to a special place in your head. What it does is give you the skills to savor the "here and now".

I can meditate while driving with my eyes wide open and alert. I concentrate on the sound of the tyres skimming along the tarmac while the engine hums in unison. At the same time I absorb the road situation around me eg what sort of car is following me and the make and models of the cars up front.

When I stop at traffic lights it used to be a frustrating experience waiting for the lights to change and even more annoying if the lights turned red before I got across the junction. I kept thinking about getting to my destination asap and imagined the various consequences of being late.

Now I just use the time to absorb what is around me by concentrating on the sights and sounds and before I know it the light has turned green.

Driving has become stress stress free thanks to being mindful of my surroundings while driving instead of thinking about the destination.
Yes i understand that. We have Sam Harris and other gurus to help us with that. My point is once you have this state of mind of "here and now", the past is an illusion and the future is a fiction, --

-- get that body moving... your thoughts ...?

Besides mindfulness, i think another addition to achieve it in meditation is thankfulness.

Last edited by dcfv; 30-12-2019 at 03:32 PM.
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  #51  
Old 02-01-2020, 11:55 PM
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DavNg DavNg is offline
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Re: Voice in my head

hi Bro,

What is the definition of loser?
Itís a human construct. Itís does exist.
Donít let other people opinion affect u.

Happiness comes from within. Not from approval of other ppl including you love one.

Unfortunately i canít advise you what should be your next course of action.

But base on the fact that you are still working to support your children and you are capable on reflecting on your pass action. You are definitely a good enough person. Stay strong. Sexual urge is just a body needs. There are many way to satisfy it.

Lastly never do anything our of frustration. Always measure the tangible benefits.

Hope this helps and stay strong.
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  #52  
Old 03-01-2020, 12:27 AM
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Re: Voice in my head

For a start TS , disable all your social apps account . see no evil will be a good start.
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If it doesn't challenge you , it doesn't changes you .

Why tolerate ? Just walk away be a man another day
https://youtu.be/2CqwVkAgtmU[/B]
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  #53  
Old 03-01-2020, 12:11 PM
Greendevil Greendevil is offline
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Re: Voice in my head

it seen to me that the cause of the "voices" is coming from your wife. in my point of view, she has created low esteem and stress a lot on you. Her wishes of having a good life, to be a tai tai at home, which she has not capability of achieving, and hoped for someone else to provide it.....my answer is F.O.

medical help is only reliving your pain. TS, you need to make a bold decision. Changed your lifestyle. whinning and complaining and remain status quo will not change anything.

in my view, you have the following option:

1. increase your income with your spare time. get another job. it keep you occupy and give you money.
2. go to the source of the problem and tell her to wake up or get another man. dont trap yourself in eternal misery. you still have many more years before you hit the grave. don worry to much on alimony. since she have earning capability and you earning lesser, you wont need to worry much. mainly just think of how to settle the children.
3. do away with overseas trip. it save you a lot of debt and money. i simply dont understand what it is so impt to go overseas when you are so tight. My income is more than your combined income and i only had one family trip in the past 3 years. the kids are young, their need and focus are not on these overseas trip.
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  #54  
Old 03-01-2020, 03:56 PM
jamy jamy is offline
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Re: Voice in my head

To TS, do you know your wife's expectation of you before you marry her?
Or your wife only becomes like this after marriage?

If your wife don't want to get help together, then I would say at least save yourself.
If you divorce your wife, it is highly likely that she would get custody of the kids (if she wants them).
House would likely to be split 50/50.
You would have to pay child support for the kids, but you don't have to support her.

Many people have misconception of woman charter that the man always pay. This is not true. The man has to pay alimony only if the spouse is not working after marriage, which is not the case for TS.
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  #55  
Old 06-01-2020, 09:36 AM
twist_shout twist_shout is offline
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Re: Voice in my head

Another way of boosting self esteem is working out. Maybe you can try it out.
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  #56  
Old 14-01-2020, 10:21 PM
AUDIFANSG AUDIFANSG is offline
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Re: Voice in my head

TS, better watch out. These kind of wife is the most vulnerable to cheating on their husband. When a marriage reach a stagnant point like the one ur experiencing(5-10 yrs plus have kids), it is easy for her to have ideas. Especially if you are not fulfilling her dreams. See for telltale signs like her suddenly changing her appearance, 'working late, etc.
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  #57  
Old 15-01-2020, 12:13 AM
LoveTrumpsHate LoveTrumpsHate is offline
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Re: Voice in my head

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Originally Posted by alea View Post
Dear friends, thanks for your advice and empathy, which I really read carefully through because these are really hard to come by in the real world.

I agree that my wife's and my combined income is already a luxury, and I'm really grateful and contented with it. But the lifestyle that she expects is: she be a stay-at-home-mum and our family must continue to go for overseas trips at least twice a year. Right now we share in the costs of our two overseas trips per year. She feels that she's being "forced" to work all because of me. To her, overseas trips is a non-negotiable because it's her passion in life.

I've told her many times that she should learn to be grateful and not be so negative in life. But she would reply that if she has a loving husband who can provide for her, of course she will not feel negative. So it seems, as always, the blame is on me.

Your relationship obviously need work at. Try to communicate with her and have some frank and honest dialogue. If she starts to listen, then very good. It's 3/4 of the battle won even if she ends up disagreeing with many of your opinions.
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  #58  
Old 17-01-2020, 12:27 AM
Pictionary Pictionary is offline
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Re: Voice in my head

Quote:
Originally Posted by sammyboyfor View Post
There is nothing special about mindfulness that requires travel to some exotic location.
Hi admin, no doubt u are the designer of this website. But this is a totally seperate issue from medical, insurance and hospital. Other ppl are keen to discuss about this with you and learn infos, but i am not interested to.

But if u want to continue, pls share your difficulties in designing this website. But to link your difficulties with medical, insurance and hospital is no link. I dun mean to disrespect but really no link, no matter how rich and powerful you are. And a small group of ppl are forced to be very matured to handle such issues, it's a waste of time and energy. That's why just focus on your life better.

As for TS, just look at the IMH website, look at the list of illness and then decide for yourself. It's clearly written that they will do psychiatristic observation and sort of questionaire. ECG is to relieve your mental. Anything more, I will not elaborate and no further clarifications. He also has to roughly measure his wife expenses vs household income(note: Make sure no borrowing of money and leave at least 10k for any mishaps). If doesn't work out, then divorce wife. No use to talk to wife about sensible topics any further considering his current situation and is somewhat similar to other parts of sg society.

If dun get in bad debts and homeless, how ppl know the suffering?

Last edited by Pictionary; 17-01-2020 at 02:01 AM.
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  #59  
Old 17-01-2020, 03:38 PM
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Re: Voice in my head

TS don't like that leh. Singapore median wage in 2019 is $4563 (incl employer CPF). You are doing ok. If not ok, half the population are losers too.

Anyway, share with you something. Many years ago, I used to do quite well in the sales industry. Then after I got married, I decided to quit my job and enter into business. Life is not a bed of roses, doing business is tough. For the first few years, my business was either losing money or just managed to break even. My wife was the one paying for most expenditures during that time. Of courses, she had grieved and she entitled that, I do not blame her. She had a high paying job. With a wife earning much more than the husband is no joke. This will make us have low self-esteem. That's why I am able to feel you. There was once she reprimanded me, " you are still so poor after so many years in business"!. This statement really cuts me. There were a few occasions that we quarrelled because of finances issues. She wanted a divorce but we managed to patch things up in the end.

3 years ago, my wife was retrenched. She lost her high paying job and not able to find an equivalent one even until today. Now I am like the sole breadwinner for the family. My business got better and I am earning much more than her now. I guess it's payback time now. I can lift my head high in my family and she respects me more too. Touchwood, If one day, your wife lost her job, she is nothing. So don't be depressed. Look at the bright side. I can tell you that she will not dare to mention the word "divorce" as she is depending on me now.
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Last edited by ZanShen; Yesterday at 01:48 PM.
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  #60  
Old 17-01-2020, 05:16 PM
james38 james38 is offline
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Re: Voice in my head

I totally agree with ZanShen. The husband cannot earn less than the wife. If that is the case, then u must quickly do something to earn more money.

There are lots of way to earn money. Eg, give tuition, drive Grab or taxi after work or Grabfood, buy things from JB to sell at Carousel, distribute flyers, etc... so many ways to earn more money !!!!


QUOTE=ZanShen;19652693]TS don't like that leh. Singapore median wage in 2019 is $4563. You are doing ok. If not ok, half the population are losers too.

Anyway, share with you something. Many years ago, I used to do quite well in the sales industry. Then after I got married, I decided to quit my job and enter into business. Life is not a bed of roses, doing business is tough. For the first few years, my business was either losing money or just managed to break even. My wife was the one paying for most expenditures during that time. Of courses, she had grieved and she entitled that, I do not blame her. She had a high paying job. With a wife earning much more than the husband is no joke. This will make us have low self-esteem. That's why I am able to feel you. There was once she reprimanded me, " you are still so poor after so many years in business"!. This statement really cuts me. There were a few occasions that we quarrelled because of finances issues. She wanted a divorce but we managed to patch things up in the end.

3 years ago, my wife was retrenched. She lost her high paying job and not able to find an equivalent one even until today. Now I am like the sole breadwinner for the family. My business got better and I am earning much more than her now. I guess it's payback time now. I can lift my head high in my family and she respects me more too. Touchwood, If one day, your wife lost her job, she is nothing. So don't be depressed. Look at the bright side. I can tell you that she will not dare to mention the word "divorce" as she is depending on me now.[/QUOTE]
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