Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[lieuzha]

Very nice share, bro bigbirdbird!

[Hurricane88]

Wed morn jokes...

[bigbirdbird]

A girl says to her date, "You're in for a real treat. I've been told that I have a body like New Jersey."

So, her date grabs her waist and asks, "What's this?"

She replies "Middlesex."

He grabs her butt and asks "what's this?"

She replies,"Freehold."

Then he grabs her breast and asks "what's this?"

She replies,"Point Pleasant."

Finally, he reaches between her thighs and says, "I guess this is Cherry Hill?"

"No", she replies, "That's Eatontown."

The guy gets so excited that he pulls down his pants and says, "Welcome to Wildwood!"

[bigbirdbird]

Be Careful What You Wear in Public


Be careful what you wear (or don't wear) when working under your vehicle...especially in public.

From the Southwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Sarasota couple who drove to Wal-Mart only to have their car break down in the lot.

The man sent his wife in to do their shopping and he stayed to make repairs.

The wife returned later to see a small group of people near their car.

As she approached, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underwear made his private parts glaringly public ones.

Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly slipped her hand up his shorts and tucked everything safely back out of view.

On regaining her balance standing upright she looked across the hood and found herself staring directly at her husband who was standing idly by.

The mechanic however, had to have 3 stitches in his head.

[bigbirdbird]

Stranded


A guy is stranded on a desert island all alone for ten years.

One day he sees a speck on the horizon. He thinks to himself, 'It's not a ship.'

The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, 'It's not a boat.'

The speck gets even closer and he thinks, 'It's not a raft.'

Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.

She comes up to the guy and she says, 'How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?'

'Ten years!', he says.

She reaches over, unzips this waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes.

He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, 'Man, oh man! Is that good!'

Then she asked, 'How long has it been since you've had a drink of whiskey?'

He replies, 'Ten years!'

She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on the right, pulls out a flask and gives it to him.

He takes a long swig and says, 'Wow! That's fantastic!'

Then she starts unzipping this long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit, revealing well-shaped perfectly tanned breasts, and she says to him, 'And how long has it been since you've had some REAL fun?'

And the man replies, 'My God! Don't tell me you've got a computer in there?'

[bigbirdbird]

Naked Cowboy



A Sheriff in a small town in Wyoming walks out in the street and sees a blonde cowboy coming toward him with nothing on but his cowboy hat, his gun, and his boots. He arrests him for indecent exposure.

As he is locking him up, he asks 'Why in the world are you walking around like this?'

The cowboy says, 'Well it's like this Sheriff, I was in this bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her. So, I did.

“We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt. So I did.

“Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants. So I did.

“Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts. So I did.

“Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, 'Now go to town cowboy. '

“And here I am.”

[CockLanguage]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

As she approached, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underwear made his private parts glaringly public ones.

Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly slipped her hand up his shorts and tucked everything safely back out of view.

On regaining her balance standing upright she looked across the hood and found herself staring directly at her husband who was standing idly by.

The mechanic however, had to have 3 stitches in his head.

Nice share bro, thanks!!

[bigbirdbird]

Originally Posted by CockLanguage

Nice share bro, thanks!!

Upz You And Give You Power

[HiKitty]

I love this thread

[HiKitty]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

A girl says to her date, "You're in for a real treat. I've been told that I have a body like New Jersey."

So, her date grabs her waist and asks, "What's this?"

She replies "Middlesex."

Nice share bro

[Hurricane88]

TGIF jokes...

[Hurricane88]

More Fri jokes...

[HiKitty]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

More Fri jokes...

Thanks for sharing

[batmanyates]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

I would not have thought of spine too

[Hurricane88]

70% 70% 70% 70%
*💰💰💰💰💰💰💰*

*When we die, our money remains in the bank...*

*Yet, when we are alive, we don't have enough money to spend.*

*In reality, when we are gone, there is still a lot of money not spent.*

*One business tycoon in China passed away.*
*His widow, was left with $1.9 billion in the bank, and married his chauffeur.*

*His chauffeur said:*-
*"All the while, I thought I was working for my boss*...
*it is only now, that I realise that my boss was all the time, working for me !!!*"

*The cruel reality is:*
*It is more important to live longer than to have more wealth*.
*So, we must strive to have a strong and healthy body, It really doesn't matter who is working for who.*

*In a high end hand phone, 70% of the functions are useless!*

*For an expensive car, 70% of the speed and gadgets are not needed.*

*If you own a luxurious villa or mansion, 70% of the space is usually not used or occupied.*

*How about your wardrobes of clothes?*
*70% of them are not worn!*

*A whole life of work and earning...*
*70% is for other people to spend.*

*So, we must protect and make full use of our 30%*.

👉*Go for medical check-ups even if not sick.*
👉*Drink more water, even if not thirsty.*
👉*Learn to let go, even if faced with grave problems.*
👉*Endeavour to give in, even if you are in the right.*
👉*Remain humble, even if you are very rich and powerful.*
👉*Learn to be contented, even if you are not rich.*
👉*Exercise your mind and body, even if you are very busy.*
👉*Make time for people you care about*