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Matters of the Heart. Has a Commercial Fuck turned into a torrid Love Affair which has turned your life upside down? Fear not. We have experts here who can help you through your roller coaster ride. Tell us your story and we'll do our best to help.

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  #76  
Old 26-03-2020, 09:51 PM
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Re: Voice in my head

Seriously, dun think so much. All it does is make you miserable. There are different paths to happiness. It is simply what you make of what you have. I also made a career change and now my pay is less than 50% of what I used to get. But earn less than learn to take out what used to be luxuries loh. We all tasted our own hardships one way or another. So nobody can say they suffer less or more than another.

As for your friends, dun compare. Good friends dun compare. We are just there for each other. Dun go and put pressure on yourself. I always tell my friends, whether we disagree or whatever, when it comes to the crunch, I will take a bullet for you. That's all they need to know.

Take care bro!
  #77  
Old 30-03-2020, 04:55 PM
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Re: Voice in my head

Quote:
Originally Posted by benjm85 View Post
No choice, my kids r still young, they need their mum physically around.
So many times i have to help her with her debts, if not threaten by her to commit sucide. Sometimes i think about my kids i have to help her.

Once my kids r grown up, i will leave her.
I am also earning 4K+, and my wife’s earning more, and harbouring same thought as you.

I brought it slightly further as in thinking of just be a real loser and walk off, disappear. The world is not as small as Singapore and Malaysia. One can only push a man that far.

The only thing that hold me back, is kid.....

So the positive note is: Hey, you are not the only one earning 4K+ here. So, brace it together for the sake of the kid.
  #78  
Old 05-04-2020, 06:31 PM
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Re: Voice in my head

Quote:
Originally Posted by alea View Post
Thanks to all bros and sis who replied.

I switched to a new job recently this year in order to hit $4k+, up from $3.5k+ in my previous job. After having worked for 20 years, I think a $4k+ salary is nothing to shout about (my wife, for one, is not impressed). I would say our combined income is more than enough, but she's pissed with me for not earning enough to let her be a stay-at-home-mum.

After all these years of her berating, I have also lost track of what's factual and what's not. Am I really as lousy as she says, or am I actually not that bad? I don't know, and I don't dare to ask (I don't have anyone to ask anyway). And in the first place, do facts even matter at all? So what if the whole world finds me ok but she finds me lousy -- she'll still be pissed with me.

She's not keen for couple counselling because since I'm the cause of all these problems, she says I should be the one going for counselling alone. I guess she's being defensive and doesn't want others to know that we've not slept in the same bed for years.

I find solace in my kids, who are still young and thus love me unconditionally at this stage of their lives. But I'm not a good father either. These voices in my head and the frustration of my unmet sexual needs has caused me to snap at them needlessly on more than one occasion. I guess it's only a matter of time before they grow up and follow in their mother's footsteps of being pissed with me.

My heartfelt gratitude to all here who took the time to reply to my vent. My original intention was just to vent, but your concern here has let me see that something is not right with the state of my mental health. I should seek help soon.
I would file for a divorce if I were you. The constant berating is the only and insane way a woman can do to destroy a man's mental health.

Women here are given too many rights here.
  #79  
Old 12-04-2020, 11:56 AM
assassin80 assassin80 is offline
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Re: Voice in my head

1. Your household financial part - Don't let your lifestyle leads your financial, but let your financial leads your lifestyle.

2. Your marriage - it seems like she had a wrong expectation set on you when you both were in relationship or you have given her the wrong expectation on the marriage life she would have if she married you. Either way, it’s best to discuss it candidly on the expectation of you both have to each other. If either of you couldn’t accept the expectation from each other, or she refused to communicate anymore, I would say exit is the only strategy.

But your case might be more complicated as you have kids. Nevertheless, I would say kids nowadays are getting smarter and mature earlier, they would have probably sense something is not right between you and wife by now if the issue you mentioned has been around for quite some time. I hope your wife hasn’t shown any attitude or said something nasty to you before in front of your kids. If yes, I would suggest you speak to your kids first.

3. The mental health part - I don’t think you are having depression yet. But you are just one of the many victims of SNS. I would suggest you delete your Facebook, Insta or whatsoever SNS that constantly showing you other people good life. Then, you spend your free time to read book or exercise. For example, start a body building goal. By seeing your body transform to healthier and stronger state, your confidence will come back again.
  #80  
Old 13-04-2020, 04:08 AM
sammy124 sammy124 is offline
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Re: Voice in my head

Take care OP...

As other said, mental health is crucial for ur situation, hope everything will better...
  #81  
Old 16-04-2020, 02:45 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by assassin80 View Post
3. The mental health part - I don’t think you are having depression yet. But you are just one of the many victims of SNS. I would suggest you delete your Facebook, Insta or whatsoever SNS that constantly showing you other people good life. Then, you spend your free time to read book or exercise. For example, start a body building goal. By seeing your body transform to healthier and stronger state, your confidence will come back again.
Read book? I tell u what ah. Everyday read Strait Times or LianHe Zaobao, then can build a weath of current affairs knowledge. Then at least got topic to talk about?

U think nowadays job very easy to do is it? U think like machiam production line and u are the operator, no need to continuously learn isit? And got teacher to guide you? Come on, enough of these life principles and whatever golden rules and dun make ppl play guessing games!

If u have this life principle mindset, then u better pray for a guaranteed comcare welfare to feed you for the rest of your life. Then u can no need to learn, can talk and curse whatever u like, even shitty talks is golden.
  #82  
Old 21-04-2020, 02:34 PM
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Re: Voice in my head

TS, you can make 4k a month is something good enough already. As compared to many of us either bbfa or struggling with life with two jobs by just earning 2-3k for life. If your wife doesn’t give you much sex, just go geylang. Once every two months sex is a little bit too little.

Just take courses if you have the time and money to try to see if you can change job. Never compare yourself with others, as we are all different and have endless of comparison. This will just give you unnecessary stress and unhappiness. Ranting and comparing will not change anything. Unless you change yourself by doing something about it.

If you have ever thought of divorce where things don’t work out, can be something costly for you as a guy also.
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  #83  
Old 05-05-2020, 01:36 PM
CheongingEdge CheongingEdge is offline
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Re: Voice in my head

Quote:
Originally Posted by james38 View Post
I totally agree with ZanShen. The husband cannot earn less than the wife. If that is the case, then u must quickly do something to earn more money.

There are lots of way to earn money. Eg, give tuition, drive Grab or taxi after work or Grabfood, buy things from JB to sell at Carousel, distribute flyers, etc... so many ways to earn more money !!!!

Why must the husband definitely earn more than the wife in this day and age? It's thinking like this that encourages women to continue with their unreasonable behaviour. All these ways to earn money that you have mentioned, why can't the woman do it too? Or are they goddess that we can only pray to and all mundane stuff should be done by guys?

TS, don't think too much about things. A marriage is a partnership and if one side starts behaving unreasonably, don't let it affect your views of yourself. Ask about the partnership status instead. Are you contributing to the best of your current situation? If you are earning 4k and spending 2k on happy endings, then yes it's your fault. But if not, then I think it's about weathering the storm and enjoying the sunshine together.

If even now when you are contributing and she's having this type of attitude, just think about it: if someday, something happens to you, do you think she will stay around to take care of you or just go off? Then ask yourself if you will stay around and take care of her if it's the other way round.

Look at the circumstances and don't belittle yourself. Some wives will nag and this and that, but when it comes to the crunch, they will stand by their men. Others will demand to be treated as a goddess and everything will just blame their men. Obviously it goes both ways as some men also have unreasonable expectations of their wives too.

I don't believe in "men must bring home the bacon" in today's society. We don't have laws preventing woman from studying, working etc like in the past. It's more like men have this "ego" thinking that probably starts from the caveman era where you need physical strength to actually hunt down the prey and bring the food home. But now most of the work requires brains more than physical strength, so instead of belittling yourself, try to think about the situation more objectively and see where you can improve.

If you allow expectations to develop into a bottomless pit, it will eventually become a blackhole and even if you give the entire sun, you still can't have enough light to make it shine. So it's critical to identify if it's actually unreasonable expectations in the first place
  #84  
Old 10-05-2020, 11:40 PM
kingcrock69 kingcrock69 is offline
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Re: Voice in my head

I'm earning 12k, contributing 7k expenses and my wife earning 4k but contributing $0. She's disrespectful and getting physical with me, stating that Singapore law will side with her. The only reason I still with her is because I have 4 years daughter and she wants $3k of maintenance fee which I think is too much. She contributed nothing, don't even spend time with daughter. My daughter is taken care by helper. It's all because of women chapter she is so arrogant. She knows law with side with her.
When is somebody going to raise petition for human equality.? Women want equality but ignoring their own responsibility.
  #85  
Old 14-05-2020, 10:28 PM
Penguin23 Penguin23 is offline
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Re: Voice in my head

Quote:
Originally Posted by kingcrock69 View Post
I'm earning 12k, contributing 7k expenses and my wife earning 4k but contributing $0. She's disrespectful and getting physical with me, stating that Singapore law will side with her. The only reason I still with her is because I have 4 years daughter and she wants $3k of maintenance fee which I think is too much. She contributed nothing, don't even spend time with daughter. My daughter is taken care by helper. It's all because of women chapter she is so arrogant. She knows law with side with her.
When is somebody going to raise petition for human equality.? Women want equality but ignoring their own responsibility.
It is a common misconception amongst many that the Women's Charter somehow guarantees women an unequal share of the marital assets in the event of a split. In a contested divorce, the woman MUST prove that she is used to a certain lifestyle and spending, and she has been maintained within that said lifestyle through your spending.

My ex wife cheated on me several times and when we finally divorced, I have care and control both kids, plus I pay her zero alimony. A very good lawyer friend once told me, after the first cheating episode that I should NOT spend lavishly on her, and under no circumstances give her money via regular electronic means. I did not realize the wisdom in his advice until years later. When the split finally happened she had zero evidence to ask for any type of alimony. We do not have a joint account, and I never "maintained" her to a level that she cannot do the same, via her own salary.

Bearing an unequal share of household expenses is OK if you are the main breadwinner. It is a man's responsibility and in a way, it is quite an honour to be the one who bears the bigger burden in terms of household expenses.

Giving your cheating spouse gifts, money and the means to build up her case for a higher maintenance sum from you during divorce is pure stupidity.

In my younger days, I too thought the "Power of the Women's Charter" would guarantee that I will be on the streets and she can get away with half my assets when we split. I am truly thankful for the great guidance that I had from my learned lawyer friends, and when the split finally happened I paid zero in lawyer fees, zero maintenance and full care and control of both my children.

So, there. I suggest you talk a more to a professional about the Women's Charter. It is not the scary demonic shit that a lot of Samsters here think it is.
  #86  
Old 14-05-2020, 10:32 PM
Penguin23 Penguin23 is offline
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Re: Voice in my head

Quote:
Originally Posted by alea View Post
Dear friends, thanks for your advice and empathy, which I really read carefully through because these are really hard to come by in the real world.

I agree that my wife's and my combined income is already a luxury, and I'm really grateful and contented with it. But the lifestyle that she expects is: she be a stay-at-home-mum and our family must continue to go for overseas trips at least twice a year. Right now we share in the costs of our two overseas trips per year. She feels that she's being "forced" to work all because of me. To her, overseas trips is a non-negotiable because it's her passion in life.

I've told her many times that she should learn to be grateful and not be so negative in life. But she would reply that if she has a loving husband who can provide for her, of course she will not feel negative. So it seems, as always, the blame is on me.
It has been many months since you've last posted, TS. I hope your situation has improved in the meantime.

I just want to say, that basis what you've shared in this forum I think your wife is a negative person that somehow finds pleasure in dragging you down in life. A wife should not behave that way, and if this has been her behaviour for the longest time, then I am afraid that it is only a matter of time that the two of you will split.
  #87  
Old 15-05-2020, 10:08 PM
kingcrock69 kingcrock69 is offline
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Thanks bro. I did consulted a lawyer and my lawyer was advising me to sell my house (solely under my name and bought before married) and share some to my wife. That's just unacceptable. That consultation fee cost #450 for 45mins to give me that kind of advice.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Penguin23 View Post
It is a common misconception amongst many that the Women's Charter somehow guarantees women an unequal share of the marital assets in the event of a split. In a contested divorce, the woman MUST prove that she is used to a certain lifestyle and spending, and she has been maintained within that said lifestyle through your spending.

My ex wife cheated on me several times and when we finally divorced, I have care and control both kids, plus I pay her zero alimony. A very good lawyer friend once told me, after the first cheating episode that I should NOT spend lavishly on her, and under no circumstances give her money via regular electronic means. I did not realize the wisdom in his advice until years later. When the split finally happened she had zero evidence to ask for any type of alimony. We do not have a joint account, and I never "maintained" her to a level that she cannot do the same, via her own salary.

Bearing an unequal share of household expenses is OK if you are the main breadwinner. It is a man's responsibility and in a way, it is quite an honour to be the one who bears the bigger burden in terms of household expenses.

Giving your cheating spouse gifts, money and the means to build up her case for a higher maintenance sum from you during divorce is pure stupidity.

In my younger days, I too thought the "Power of the Women's Charter" would guarantee that I will be on the streets and she can get away with half my assets when we split. I am truly thankful for the great guidance that I had from my learned lawyer friends, and when the split finally happened I paid zero in lawyer fees, zero maintenance and full care and control of both my children.

So, there. I suggest you talk a more to a professional about the Women's Charter. It is not the scary demonic shit that a lot of Samsters here think it is.
  #88  
Old 16-05-2020, 12:03 AM
fallen11 fallen11 is offline
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Re: Voice in my head

Quote:
Originally Posted by kingcrock69 View Post
I'm earning 12k, contributing 7k expenses and my wife earning 4k but contributing $0. She's disrespectful and getting physical with me, stating that Singapore law will side with her. The only reason I still with her is because I have 4 years daughter and she wants $3k of maintenance fee which I think is too much. She contributed nothing, don't even spend time with daughter. My daughter is taken care by helper. It's all because of women chapter she is so arrogant. She knows law with side with her.
When is somebody going to raise petition for human equality.? Women want equality but ignoring their own responsibility.
make her beat you
then you make police report
when go to court, although you still need to pay her
chances are you may get your kid's custody and pay her less as she has violent tendencies.
violent tendencies is a big point for kid's custody.
Make her ki siao and beat you. Cut off the helper.
  #89  
Old 16-05-2020, 04:49 PM
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Re: Voice in my head

Quote:
Originally Posted by kingcrock69 View Post
Thanks bro. I did consulted a lawyer and my lawyer was advising me to sell my house (solely under my name and bought before married) and share some to my wife. That's just unacceptable. That consultation fee cost #450 for 45mins to give me that kind of advice.
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pls pm that expensive shit law-mee.
avoid!
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  #90  
Old 19-05-2020, 02:25 PM
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Re: Voice in my head

TS wife is also showing signs of somebody who is narcissistic.
She may also be cheating and "getting some" on the outside thus denying him of sex and love. In this time of Covid 19, people should realize what the bare necessities are needed for life to go on.
TS also needs to man up a bit as happiness is created by own self. Like in the events of a plane emergencies, you always apply oxygen mask to yourself before helping others. So, make yourself happy first. You will gradually get back confidence and the glow. The wife will see this and realize the changes.
Talk around to people. it helps. Take care and stay safe.
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