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Matters of the Heart. Has a Commercial Fuck turned into a torrid Love Affair which has turned your life upside down? Fear not. We have experts here who can help you through your roller coaster ride. Tell us your story and we'll do our best to help.

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  #31  
Old 22-12-2019, 02:30 AM
HeLovesMe HeLovesMe is offline
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Re: Voice in my head

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marq View Post
You need a doctor
Marq, Pictionary is a toxic person in disguise like TS’s wife
  #32  
Old 22-12-2019, 04:36 AM
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Re: Voice in my head

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Originally Posted by HeLovesMe View Post
Marq, Pictionary is a toxic person in disguise like TS’s wife
He is not even in disguise, lol. Everyone can see he has a loose screw

And actually, he needs to see a counsellor much more than TS, because he is in denial, unlike TS who is acknowledging his issues and is actively dealing with it. In that sense, TS is so much stronger and tougher as a person, so kudos to him
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  #33  
Old 22-12-2019, 12:18 PM
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cuscorex92 cuscorex92 is offline
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Re: Voice in my head

tat falla got the whole context wrong,TS is in his 40s,already got his dichrged & had kiss SAF goodbye for good!
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  #34  
Old 22-12-2019, 01:48 PM
alea alea is offline
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Re: Voice in my head

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Originally Posted by c0cktailov3r View Post
Hey. Try to not think about your problems. It would be good if u had one or two good friends who are positive and u can hang around them...

I had depression before. I attempted suicide when i was only 22. So i was warded into hospital, my medical records say it was **food poisoning** cos the doctors did not wanto mess up my medical records. But what the hell.... I was scheduled to see a psychiatrist , and a psychologist in a govt/restr. hospital... these were kind of public records but patient-privileged...
I will not go into too much details, but it took me almost 10 years to kind of **be normal again**
Life was pretty rough... i had applied to stat. board jobs , and i applied to buy insurance... i was downright rejected...

I never once think of myself as a nutcase, or crazy or what... but when i had tried to share these with some co-workers i thought i could trust, i get some "different treatment" from them... maybe i should never have trusted anybody from the workplace... it is a vicious kind of environment, i guess...

Anyway pardon my long story... but i am all good now, like that depression episode is at least 14years ago??
my life is pretty normal, i am quite a loner at times, i live in a place i bought for myself after my divorce, my annual salary is not high but i am contented, i just watch netflix all weekend when i am not working... i do socialise (very rarely) but nowadays my circle is like less than 15 good friends whom i see like maybe once a year, and most days i just hang out with my grandparents or niece and nephew... then when i got time to burn, i just login forum and see what new posts there are... haha~~

Just wanna tell TS, dont worry... just keep working on yourself, the voice in ur head will eventually go away if u can just ignore it long enough... hear it but dont respond to it... dont give it the power to control u or influence u... u are what u are and u know it best yourself... only u can help urself...

U can try counsellor, it is not a MEDICAL doctor.. and it makes a whole world of difference... trust me, cos medical records sure messed up my life...
Family centers around ur housing estate is a good place to start...
Thanks bro for sharing your experience. I'm glad you've regained back the normalcy in your life. I totally agree that there's no one that is trustable to share our condition with. Certainly not with colleagues because it's a dog-eat-dog corporate world. That's why i feel trapped (in this marriage) and lonely (coz no one to share my unsound thoughts with).

I find the medical record thingy quite worrying... if i were to lose my current job or be rejected for future health-related insurance, I can image my life will be worse than it is now. Coz when she inevitably finds out I'm incurring opportunity costs due to my mental state, she'll be more pissed than now. (She will never acknowledge that it's her fault, she'll just say that it proves that I'm lousy)

My schedule is about the same. At night after tucking my kids to bed, I'll drown out the voice in my head with netflix, social media, and this forum until fatigue takes over and sleep comes. Otherwise, if i lie in my bed waiting for sleep to come naturally, the condemning voice in my head will be too unbearable.
  #35  
Old 22-12-2019, 01:51 PM
alea alea is offline
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Re: Voice in my head

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Originally Posted by cuscorex92 View Post
tat falla got the whole context wrong,TS is in his 40s,already got his dichrged & had kiss SAF goodbye for good!
yeah, already MR long time ago liao. Haha.
  #36  
Old 22-12-2019, 02:04 PM
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Re: Voice in my head

Quote:
Originally Posted by alea View Post
I find the medical record thingy quite worrying... if i were to lose my current job or be rejected for future health-related insurance, I can image my life will be worse than it is now. Coz when she inevitably finds out I'm incurring opportunity costs due to my mental state, she'll be more pissed than now. (She will never acknowledge that it's her fault, she'll just say that it proves that I'm lousy)
I understand the worry of a medical record, but you have to look at it this way. If your condition needs a doctor, it is something inevitable.

The best you can do is to settle your important insurance stuff right now, hospitalization, and some illness cover, there are cheap ways to do it, don't get upsold by agents.

Work wise, if you are not working for the Government or some big ass MNC, you won't require medical screening, so you can take a logical approach to see if it really affects job prospect, rather than just empty worry.

Lastly, this is why talking to a counsellor can come first, because it doesn't come with records, But do take into consideration, not all the counsellors are properly trained, so whilst there may be instances where you talk to one and feel that it doesn't help, then go talk to another, don't just give it up. After all, part of any treatment/counselling is verbalizing your problems, so talking to multiple people helps too. Just don't make it into an angry rant
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  #37  
Old 22-12-2019, 02:08 PM
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Re: Voice in my head

Dear friends, thanks for your advice and empathy, which I really read carefully through because these are really hard to come by in the real world.

I agree that my wife's and my combined income is already a luxury, and I'm really grateful and contented with it. But the lifestyle that she expects is: she be a stay-at-home-mum and our family must continue to go for overseas trips at least twice a year. Right now we share in the costs of our two overseas trips per year. She feels that she's being "forced" to work all because of me. To her, overseas trips is a non-negotiable because it's her passion in life.

I've told her many times that she should learn to be grateful and not be so negative in life. But she would reply that if she has a loving husband who can provide for her, of course she will not feel negative. So it seems, as always, the blame is on me.
  #38  
Old 22-12-2019, 02:40 PM
pakpak2001 pakpak2001 is offline
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Re: Voice in my head

[QUOTE=alea;19561998]To her, overseas trips is a non-negotiable because it's her passion in life.
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  #39  
Old 22-12-2019, 04:52 PM
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Re: Voice in my head

Quote:
Originally Posted by alea View Post

My schedule is about the same. At night after tucking my kids to bed, I'll drown out the voice in my head with netflix, social media, and this forum until fatigue takes over and sleep comes. Otherwise, if i lie in my bed waiting for sleep to come naturally, the condemning voice in my head will be too unbearable.
We all have our demons.

I don't consider myself mentally unstable but I have reached the stage in my life when I have friends, classmates and acquaintances that have either died or have ended up bedridden from health issues.

Falling asleep used to be easy. My thoughts would revolve around planning for the day or week ahead. Now there are nights when I'm stuck with morbid thoughts about my own mortality and those I care about.

However I have found a very effective solution and it revolves around mindfulness and meditation.

If you have time you should sign up for classes which is what I did to start off with. I attended a 6 session course spread over 6 weeks and it did wonders. There is no stigma attached to mindfulness. Many CEOs endorse it and some companies have incorporated it into their staff routines.

If you want to do it discreetly there are many apps that have been shown to be effective too. eg headspace, sanvello, waking up etc.

Mindfulness involves nothing more than being in the present. It calms the mind and puts life into perspective.

We spend far too much time regretting the past and worrying about the future. In reality we only have the present. Nothing else matters.

When we are 21 years old we don't spend nights worrying about dying even though death is inevitable. We live for the moment and enjoy ourselves. Mindfulness trains the mind not to worry about death even when we are 70 and death may come tomorrow because the present is all that matters.
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  #40  
Old 22-12-2019, 05:03 PM
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cataramp cataramp is offline
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Re: Voice in my head

Stay strong!
  #41  
Old 22-12-2019, 08:04 PM
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Re: Voice in my head

Quote:
Originally Posted by alea View Post
Dear friends, thanks for your advice and empathy, which I really read carefully through because these are really hard to come by in the real world.

I agree that my wife's and my combined income is already a luxury, and I'm really grateful and contented with it. But the lifestyle that she expects is: she be a stay-at-home-mum and our family must continue to go for overseas trips at least twice a year. Right now we share in the costs of our two overseas trips per year. She feels that she's being "forced" to work all because of me. To her, overseas trips is a non-negotiable because it's her passion in life.

I've told her many times that she should learn to be grateful and not be so negative in life. But she would reply that if she has a loving husband who can provide for her, of course she will not feel negative. So it seems, as always, the blame is on me.
Overseas trips........ What kind? I go overseas trips 1-3 times per month and i can say 4k salary is more than enough to do it at least once every month for me.
Go south east asia lor.

Taking about "To her, overseas trips is a non-negotiable because it's her passion in life". Share a story about one of my friends.
His wife demanded a car (100k new car with COE, every 3 yrs change new car), long expensive overseas trip at least every year (at least western europe), maid to take care of housework and 5 room flat. All these are financed by my friend alone. His salary below 5k a mth.
Obviously he's unable to finance all these stuffs. So he parked the expenses under credit cards. Every month just able to pay the min $50. Snowballed till no banks dare to loan him anymore money. His wife working as an agent, earning somewhere below 5k. She also parked her expenses under her credit cards. Dont know what she spends on beside groceries and car expenses but still not enough to spend. Got 1 time he got forced by wife to go switzerland with wife and in laws (all paid by him) for a week. He know it was too expensive but cant stop them from going so he opt out himself say he'll stay at home and they can go enjoy themselves. Had a big argument. So end up he went with them. Had to spend an extra $6k just for him to go. And did he enjoy the trip? Not at all. Turns out his wife wanted him to go to be the maid. Take care of the their kid, carry stuffs, etc.
Then the day of reckoning came. Heavily in debt and cannot take any more loans to finance their excessive spending. So the wife kicked my friend out for after expending his usefulness. Changed lock, throw all his personal stuff out the door just before he reach home after a day of work.
After half a yr, my friend couldnt take it anymore. Woke up and filed for divorce. tried to nego with his wife for mutual divorce. Wife wanted the whole flat (which she paid $0 for), $2k per month and another $1.5k for the kids (by that time he had 2 kids with the younger one less than a yr old). He cant even agree to this settlement even if he wanted to as he still has big debt to clear for this credit cards. So they went to court.
The wife really made herself looked so ugly in court till the judge sided with my friend. She told the judge the car is a necessity as she has 2 kids to look after and drive to work daily. Even her own lawyer finds it ridiculous. Then she tried to ask for the flat saying she wont have any place to stay with the kids if she dont get 100% of that 5 room flat. Can always sell and use the partial proceeds to get a smaller flat. Next she asked for the monthly sum to be paid to her. So the court examined his monthly expediture. He spent $100+ on groceries per mth. The wife questioned the court saying "he must have brought many unnecessary stuffs, how can someone spend $100+ on groceries every mth?"
The whole court was dumbfounded. $100+ in NTUC probably only yields you 1 plastic bag of groceries which dont even last you for a week not to say a mth. All in all the wife made her case looked very bad in court. Knowing she's on the losing side, she offered my friend a truce for 2 yrs. Say dont divorce first, we see if things can improve. My friend knew the situation was advantageous to him and recalled how she treated him, decided to go on ahead to finalise the divorce. In the end, he was ordered to pay $1k every month for maintenance of the 2 kids. flat to be split 50/50, no further payments to the wife.
  #42  
Old 22-12-2019, 09:30 PM
Marq Marq is offline
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Re: Voice in my head

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Originally Posted by fallen11 View Post
In the end, he was ordered to pay $1k every month for maintenance of the 2 kids. flat to be split 50/50, no further payments to the wife.
The women's charter is absurdly outdated
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  #43  
Old 23-12-2019, 12:48 AM
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Re: Voice in my head

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Originally Posted by Marq View Post
The women's charter is absurdly outdated
Actually it's considered a win for the guy.
  #44  
Old 23-12-2019, 04:31 AM
Marq Marq is offline
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Re: Voice in my head

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Originally Posted by sexcision View Post
Actually it's considered a win for the guy.
I know, thats why I say its outdated. This was a rare best case scenario.
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Old 23-12-2019, 01:05 PM
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Re: Voice in my head

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Originally Posted by sexcision View Post
Actually it's considered a win for the guy.
ya its a win.
Another info about that marriage.
His mum-in-law sold her 4 room hdb, moved in to live with them and spent all the proceeds within 3 years.
Really cant help thinking that the wife's whole family was out to milk him dry and discard him after he's being dried out.
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