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Matters of the Heart. Has a Commercial Fuck turned into a torrid Love Affair which has turned your life upside down? Fear not. We have experts here who can help you through your roller coaster ride. Tell us your story and we'll do our best to help.

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  #16  
Old 20-12-2019, 10:15 AM
kgbkgb kgbkgb is offline
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Re: Voice in my head

Quote:
Originally Posted by alea View Post
Thanks to all bros and sis who replied.

I switched to a new job recently this year in order to hit $4k+, up from $3.5k+ in my previous job. After having worked for 20 years, I think a $4k+ salary is nothing to shout about (my wife, for one, is not impressed). I would say our combined income is more than enough, but she's pissed with me for not earning enough to let her be a stay-at-home-mum.

After all these years of her berating, I have also lost track of what's factual and what's not. Am I really as lousy as she says, or am I actually not that bad? I don't know, and I don't dare to ask (I don't have anyone to ask anyway). And in the first place, do facts even matter at all? So what if the whole world finds me ok but she finds me lousy -- she'll still be pissed with me.

She's not keen for couple counselling because since I'm the cause of all these problems, she says I should be the one going for counselling alone. I guess she's being defensive and doesn't want others to know that we've not slept in the same bed for years.

I find solace in my kids, who are still young and thus love me unconditionally at this stage of their lives. But I'm not a good father either. These voices in my head and the frustration of my unmet sexual needs has caused me to snap at them needlessly on more than one occasion. I guess it's only a matter of time before they grow up and follow in their mother's footsteps of being pissed with me.

My heartfelt gratitude to all here who took the time to reply to my vent. My original intention was just to vent, but your concern here has let me see that something is not right with the state of my mental health. I should seek help soon.
Alea, your situation isn't good at all. Firstly I urge you to seek help. IMH would be a good choice if you're on a budget. Get a referral from poly. Don't worry about the stigma and all the bs. Your health is most important. Only with good health can you go on enhancing your life. Like what some have said, depression has set in and if untreated may even lead to schizophrenia. That would be very unfair to both your family as well as yourself. Next you may want to reconsider your marriage if her behavior is doing you more harm than good. Partnerships should add-value and not otherwise. Whatever decisions you make, just don't do anything stupid. Good luck!
  #17  
Old 20-12-2019, 12:26 PM
LoveTrumpsHate LoveTrumpsHate is offline
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Re: Voice in my head

Quote:
Originally Posted by alea View Post
I'm in my mid-forties, married, and has two kids in primary school.

Lately, the voice in my head telling me that I'm a loser is getting louder and louder. Due to a career choice in my mid thirties that didn't go well, I'm now earning only $4k+ per month, which is way much lower than what my peers are getting. And also lower than my wife's. My wife and I contribute equally to our household expenditure every month. We also share in the household chores.

She made it clear to me on more than one occasion that she resents me for being a low earner. She resents me for denying her dream of being a stay-at-home-mum and that she has to work to bring in money, since my sole salary is not enough for the household expenditure.

Whenever we quarrel, she will always pin the cause to me being a low earner. Recently when we quarreled about our infrequent sex life again (I told her I hope for our sex to be more frequent than our current once-every-two-months), she even brought up my lack of earning power into the topic. She says because of my low salary, she needs to work, so how can I expect her to work in the day and then still expect her to satisfy me at night??! Well, those words hurt me badly, and I've since told myself to give up expecting any more sex from her.

I don't know if any brothers here do the same, but at night I will scroll through Facebook to look at my friends' happy families photos (especially now when a lot of them are on overseas holidays). To be frank, I envy them. They have achieved much in life which I never had - they have cars, careers, houses and happy spouses. I acknowledge that part of it stems from the glamorizing aspect of social media, where people post only the positive aspects of their lives. But even so, when I look at the happy photos of my friends with their spouses, I know that my wife and I don't can't even pretend to pose for such happy photos. That's when the voice in my head reminds me that I'm a loser. And the realistic state of my marriage reinforces the message that the voice is very true. It's not just my imagination, it's a fact that I'm a loser.

Thanks for reading this far. The voice in my head is building up and getting unbearable. If I don't vent, I might just go crazy one day.


This is a good post, bro. You have been honest with yourself and are willing to reveal negative things in your life unlike a lot of fake people in society who only what people to think how great they are.

The sobering truth is that the voice in your head is valid and accurate. You are a loser. But since you've recognized it, now the ball is in your court to make things better. That part, no one can tell you what to do. That being said, I would suggest thinking of ways to broaden your social circle first. You'll get more ideas as you interact with more people. And start getting into action. Apply for jobs, etc. Go crazy and focus 100% on rebuilding your career.
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  #18  
Old 20-12-2019, 05:32 PM
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Re: Voice in my head

To be frank, there is nothing wrong with you. You are far from the worst income group in SGP. And your wife is not wrong also for pushing you to achieve higher.
  #19  
Old 20-12-2019, 10:16 PM
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Re: Voice in my head

Quote:
Originally Posted by alea View Post
Thanks to all bros and sis who replied.

I switched to a new job recently this year in order to hit $4k+, up from $3.5k+ in my previous job. After having worked for 20 years, I think a $4k+ salary is nothing to shout about (my wife, for one, is not impressed). I would say our combined income is more than enough, but she's pissed with me for not earning enough to let her be a stay-at-home-mum.

After all these years of her berating, I have also lost track of what's factual and what's not. Am I really as lousy as she says, or am I actually not that bad? I don't know, and I don't dare to ask (I don't have anyone to ask anyway). And in the first place, do facts even matter at all? So what if the whole world finds me ok but she finds me lousy -- she'll still be pissed with me.

She's not keen for couple counselling because since I'm the cause of all these problems, she says I should be the one going for counselling alone. I guess she's being defensive and doesn't want others to know that we've not slept in the same bed for years.

I find solace in my kids, who are still young and thus love me unconditionally at this stage of their lives. But I'm not a good father either. These voices in my head and the frustration of my unmet sexual needs has caused me to snap at them needlessly on more than one occasion. I guess it's only a matter of time before they grow up and follow in their mother's footsteps of being pissed with me.

My heartfelt gratitude to all here who took the time to reply to my vent. My original intention was just to vent, but your concern here has let me see that something is not right with the state of my mental health. I should seek help soon.
Bro. Some points to note:

1. Your wife's attitude is very toxic to u. Those repeated negative comments are having a big impact on your life. Even if u want to pick yourself up again and excel in life, it is hard cause u'll need to overcome this negative mentality barrier first. U need surround yourself with more positive people to encourage u to fight against this. It'll help greatly, be it online or in real life.

2. Glad to know u are concerned about your mental health. If u think its having an effect on you greatly, do seek help. Maybe start with some counselling. Dont scare people find out or shy. Its your mental health we're talking here, not someone else's. End of day, your own welfare comes first. Not other people's view of u.

3. Those things u envy from what u saw on facebook. I say dont take it too much. People tend to post positive things to showoff to other people. But u wont know whats the story behind all these happiness. I have known enough to say that more than half of such showoff posts in social media lies a unglam story.
High spending? Probably high debt too. perhaps will take them their working life to pay off, even sacrificing part of their children's future (like can use the money send them to overseas uni instead spending on such useless stuff just for a social media post).
Loving couple? I've known loving couples, happy families but behind all this facade the husband and wife actually sleeping separately every night. Or husband wife separately have other gf bf which they frequently go travel and fuck with.
Social media.... All u see there are someone enjoying their fruits. They dont post their hardships or the price they pay online. There's always a price to pay for anything, just that u dont know.

4. What i learnt from divorced friends with children. Dont live for your children only. Live for yourself first. When u are well, u feel positive. Feel positive, happier, higher potential to make more money in life. With more money, u can provide more for your children. No children will ever avoid a richer parent. Even if u live separately now, doesnt mean your children wont find u ever again. If u got more money than your wife, u can be sure your children will seek u out when they grow up. Money works in wondrous ways.
Even no money, doesnt mean they will forget u if u were a good dad. My parents were divorced when i'm young. Mum got my custody. 25 yrs later when i got my own flat, i invited my dad to live with me instead of living with my mum. he's much poorer than my mum but i know how much he tried to help me before. Has to work doubly hard since he's only pri sch educated just to eek out some extra money to help me, however little it was.

5. 4k a mth income is not low at all (wont say high either). Her ambition is a stay home mum? I think she's just being lazy. Everyone also wish they dont need to go out and work. Did u promise to help her achieve that before? family must help one another (on a limited basis at least, some people are just beyond hope and u need to let go). Anyone who just care for their ownself in a family is just going to bring doom and hardship to the rest of the family members. U are not her slave. Sex? needless to say u can get better and more frequent sex without her. U're not her liability but more like she's your liability. What value does she add into your life now? ask yourself this.
  #20  
Old 21-12-2019, 06:47 AM
Marq Marq is offline
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Re: Voice in my head

A pay of $4k is definitely enough to support a stay home wife and kids, albeit at a budget. I think TS’s wife daydreams to live a tai tai life
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  #21  
Old 21-12-2019, 10:37 AM
pakpak2001 pakpak2001 is offline
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Re: Voice in my head

[QUOTE=alea;19549907]
Whenever we quarrel, she will always pin the cause to me being a low earner. She says because of my low salary, she needs to work, so how can I expect her to work in the day and then still expect her to satisfy me at night??!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
bro, she may sound unreasonable, quarrelsome, pick on money etc
but what is say is true. in fact many other wife, gf & woman likely to say the same thing & even worse

u work also tired, she work also tired mah. + 2 kids look after + expenses vs low salary
so if u need sex badly, diy lor or look for budget fun at petain. or take bus to jb for day fun & come home. this way u happy, she happy, less quarrel, more meaning life & best u get your fun & release
tio bor?
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  #22  
Old 21-12-2019, 11:52 AM
Magnataur Magnataur is offline
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Re: Voice in my head

It ain't be never enough. Once your income hit 8k, probably your wife will say it is not even 5 digits income yet. So, I guess it is more of her problems.
There are a lot of people who are less fortunate than you and they are living life happily. I suggest to seek for medical intervention if you keep hearing voices in your mind. It could be more of the depression symptoms.
  #23  
Old 21-12-2019, 01:51 PM
expatamerican expatamerican is offline
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Re: Voice in my head

Keep the job. Change the wife.
  #24  
Old 21-12-2019, 05:06 PM
Pictionary Pictionary is offline
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Re: Voice in my head

It's not up to u to judge whether depression is very serious or not. In ppl's sentiments is considered very serious.

But in mindef and imh, depression is not considered serious. Depression is not serious if go thru medical board. Starting is pes C, not confirmed pes E. Very strong case, dun bother to reason.

Agree or dun agree nvm. U guys go imh first then see for urself. Not all mental illness is immediate pes E or F.

Want to talk about mental illness, get the green paper from mindef then argue.

Marq does not know anything at all and thinks it is very simple. Very lazy to talk to these ppl. Let others go talk to him. And those guys want to talk to me, dun talk one sentence like Hurricane88. Either too smart or too stupid, very sorry in ministry context whatever u put it.

And dun play vocabulary with me, Funboi. Why i reply to u although u dun experience anything? Bec u know in ur head it's impossible although ur heart tells u otherwise.

The rest of how TS cope with his life, i dun bother, several choices and is flexible. U guys can advise these better than me.
  #25  
Old 21-12-2019, 06:24 PM
shitywok shitywok is offline
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Re: Voice in my head

Feel the sadness about it.
  #26  
Old 21-12-2019, 07:26 PM
Marq Marq is offline
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Re: Voice in my head

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pictionary View Post
Marq does not know anything at all and thinks it is very simple. Very lazy to talk to these ppl. Let others go talk to him. And those guys want to talk to me, dun talk one sentence like Hurricane88. Either too smart or too stupid, very sorry in ministry context whatever u put it.
Here comes doctor think he know it all

This idiot gives you his personal opinion, while I gave TS the professional contacts.

Who is the stupid and irresponsible one here?

And you keep barking about ministry, army, etc, totally irrelevant stuff. I think you have a loose screw somewhere
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  #27  
Old 21-12-2019, 08:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marq View Post
Here comes doctor think he know it all

This idiot gives you his personal opinion, while I gave TS the professional contacts.

Who is the stupid and irresponsible one here?

And you keep barking about ministry, army, etc, totally irrelevant stuff. I think you have a loose screw somewhere
Your professional contacts are shit in ministry context. You can be CEO of whatever company, give whatever advises u want to give, but in ministry context is NO.

Then TS say depression, voice in head. U say is very serious. Other ppl u have heard of, have u experience it yourself? Then TS see doctor, then? Create a whole lot more mess for himself. Job gone, doctor say not serious, no financial assistance. That time is really not loser, is gone case already. Dun know means dun know, dun gei gao! And trama is what? Parents divorce, the son die, daughter die, anything to do with very tragic experience, then got very severe mental illness, get warded in imh for several months. Every time, i say this everytime i say with directives and protocols and everytime directives and protocols will win. Those who are stubborn, refuse to listen and accept directives and protocols will lose in the end. Believe or not, go try, dun tell me, go try.

For other guys, can choose to ignore or dun care what other's say. Nvm, go ahead to try, go book polyclinic, go see imh. See what the doctor say? The rest go figure it out yourselves since this is nonsense to you ppl.
  #28  
Old 21-12-2019, 09:13 PM
c0cktailov3r c0cktailov3r is offline
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Re: Voice in my head

Hey. Try to not think about your problems. It would be good if u had one or two good friends who are positive and u can hang around them...

I had depression before. I attempted suicide when i was only 22. So i was warded into hospital, my medical records say it was **food poisoning** cos the doctors did not wanto mess up my medical records. But what the hell.... I was scheduled to see a psychiatrist , and a psychologist in a govt/restr. hospital... these were kind of public records but patient-privileged...
I will not go into too much details, but it took me almost 10 years to kind of **be normal again**
Life was pretty rough... i had applied to stat. board jobs , and i applied to buy insurance... i was downright rejected...

I never once think of myself as a nutcase, or crazy or what... but when i had tried to share these with some co-workers i thought i could trust, i get some "different treatment" from them... maybe i should never have trusted anybody from the workplace... it is a vicious kind of environment, i guess...

Anyway pardon my long story... but i am all good now, like that depression episode is at least 14years ago??
my life is pretty normal, i am quite a loner at times, i live in a place i bought for myself after my divorce, my annual salary is not high but i am contented, i just watch netflix all weekend when i am not working... i do socialise (very rarely) but nowadays my circle is like less than 15 good friends whom i see like maybe once a year, and most days i just hang out with my grandparents or niece and nephew... then when i got time to burn, i just login forum and see what new posts there are... haha~~

Just wanna tell TS, dont worry... just keep working on yourself, the voice in ur head will eventually go away if u can just ignore it long enough... hear it but dont respond to it... dont give it the power to control u or influence u... u are what u are and u know it best yourself... only u can help urself...

U can try counsellor, it is not a MEDICAL doctor.. and it makes a whole world of difference... trust me, cos medical records sure messed up my life...
Family centers around ur housing estate is a good place to start...
  #29  
Old 21-12-2019, 09:24 PM
Marq Marq is offline
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Re: Voice in my head

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pictionary View Post
Your professional contacts are shit in ministry context. You can be CEO of whatever company, give whatever advises u want to give, but in ministry context is NO.
Wtf you talking about? What ministry? And who cares about ministry? The contacts are professional help that can help TS himself. Any mental heath sessions are private, nobody will know except you and the doctor/counsellor. So why would one lose job?

You think he trying to keng NS or something like you sound like you tried?

You clearly have zero idea how it works, and your stupid opinions will kill someone who is stupid enough to listen to you

Quote:
Originally Posted by c0cktailov3r View Post
U can try counsellor, it is not a MEDICAL doctor.. and it makes a whole world of difference... trust me, cos medical records sure messed up my life...
Family centers around ur housing estate is a good place to start...
Counsellors and Doctors serve very different functions, so you cannot say one is better than the other. But yes, family centers is a good place to start
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Old 22-12-2019, 02:25 AM
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Re: Voice in my head

Quote:
Originally Posted by alea View Post
I'm in my mid-forties, married, and has two kids in primary school.

Lately, the voice in my head telling me that I'm a loser is getting louder and louder. Due to a career choice in my mid thirties that didn't go well, I'm now earning only $4k+ per month, which is way much lower than what my peers are getting. And also lower than my wife's. My wife and I contribute equally to our household expenditure every month. We also share in the household chores.

She made it clear to me on more than one occasion that she resents me for being a low earner. She resents me for denying her dream of being a stay-at-home-mum and that she has to work to bring in money, since my sole salary is not enough for the household expenditure.

Whenever we quarrel, she will always pin the cause to me being a low earner. Recently when we quarreled about our infrequent sex life again (I told her I hope for our sex to be more frequent than our current once-every-two-months), she even brought up my lack of earning power into the topic. She says because of my low salary, she needs to work, so how can I expect her to work in the day and then still expect her to satisfy me at night??! Well, those words hurt me badly, and I've since told myself to give up expecting any more sex from her.

I don't know if any brothers here do the same, but at night I will scroll through Facebook to look at my friends' happy families photos (especially now when a lot of them are on overseas holidays). To be frank, I envy them. They have achieved much in life which I never had - they have cars, careers, houses and happy spouses. I acknowledge that part of it stems from the glamorizing aspect of social media, where people post only the positive aspects of their lives. But even so, when I look at the happy photos of my friends with their spouses, I know that my wife and I don't can't even pretend to pose for such happy photos. That's when the voice in my head reminds me that I'm a loser. And the realistic state of my marriage reinforces the message that the voice is very true. It's not just my imagination, it's a fact that I'm a loser.

Thanks for reading this far. The voice in my head is building up and getting unbearable. If I don't vent, I might just go crazy one day.
TS, never tell yourself that you are a loser!! Otherwise it will train your subconscious mind to get what you don’t want in your life.
Your wife is really too much as she lacks gratitude in her life. If she wants you to be successful and rich, she must give you emotional support and encouragement instead of criticizing you for your low salary. Negativities from her will attract negative vibes into your life.

Must tell her firmly to stop berating you regularly whenever she harps on your low salary. Her negative vibes will prevent you from looking for better ways to make more money. Do train your mind to be immune to toxic people and negative words.

Since she won’t take care of your needs at night, don’t let her sexual abstinence give you health problems in your later life. Medicines in SG are costly. Just go to MP for sexual release but with caution.. My guy’s chronic health issues may be caused by his wife’s sexual abstinence. Such toxic and ungrateful wives like her should be dumped.
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