Worries about my sexual life
 

Im in my late 20s and I have a gf of 3 years and we recently BTOed. We rarely have arguments, and our personalities suit each other a lot with frequent bantering.

The issue lies within the bedroom. We rarely have sex (probably once in a few months) as I just do not have the mood for it, even though I genuinely care for her and really like spending time with her. She herself doesnt watch porn and the few times we do have sex, she doesnt really turn me on, doesnt do blowjobs and I cant sustain an erection past about 2 minutes unless I penetrate her. The latest time we had sex, we did it outdoors to sustain my excitement but I dont think it is a workable solution in the long term.

I'm thinking a possible issue might be I am addicted to porn. Every day I get home from work, I scroll websites like SBF, Pornhub etc. as a habit. From outdoor fucks, hidden cameras, local leaks, i search for all these every single day. Another issue might be stress related - I have been dealing with anxiety the past year and although I can hide it with friends, I end up with insomnia and that seemed to coincide with my reduction in sex life with my gf.

So just need some advice - am I addicted to porn? I cant bring myself to stop this habit. Or i may just have erection problems. But looking at the bigger picture, I am more afraid this will cause cracks in my relationship. Occasionally I go for MLs for release (even then this effect seems to be wearing off) but I am more afraid this could end up with an affair (which is a totally different story) in the future. I love her, but the sexual part of the relationship might be a ticking time bomb and I feel paranoid by it after reading stories on this forum. Even now, there are times when I have thoughts like "if only Im unattached, I could try attempting to fuck around" even though I have neither looks nor money.

Has any bro here encountered any similar situation? If the above post makes you think that I am confused and/or paranoid, thats because I am.

Thanks in advance bros.

Re: Worries about my sexual life
 

Practice live firing with a fl. Fake it till you make it. It does come with risks. Cannot satisfy spouse is a big big big problem. Especially when you are only in your 20s.

Re: Worries about my sexual life
 

Hi you enjoy her company but too bad she doesnt sextisfy you. Are you harbouring a lot of thoughts to fuck around with many other variety of girls? I think you are when you say 'if only i am unattached'.

You have to make do with what you can get because there is no 100% satisfaction, give and take here and there in relationship. It is who you choose to go through the hardship with. Relationship not always enjoyable and a lot of struggles. Dont think of relationship as easy, it is difficult.

I don't know for you easy to find gf or not if you let go of this girl so you may have to take the risk if you think she is not right and you want to look elsewhere.

Just sharing for me i took the risk to let go of a gf i knew i only want her for sex few months after getting attached. We broke and so far i think i'm glad we broke. The choice i took was very risky because till now i am still single and unable to get a gf. So make a choice and stick to it.

Tell your gf you need her to satisfy you in bed and she needs to become good at sex. If not your marriage life will be very unfulfilling sexually. If it fails both of you need to talk to sex doctor.

Another point i highlight is that is it your job is very stressful? Is your job making you very stress and thats the reason why you need to search porn fetishes to release your work stress? I am thinking your job is very likely the reason behind your continuous search for porn.

Pls up my points if my reply is helpful

Re: Worries about my sexual life
 

Hey bro,

Thanks for replying. I understand that such a girl like her is not easy to come by, so I definitely won’t give up this rs cue of sex. It’s just Im not sure how I can make it work. You’re right, if all else fails maybe I should consult a sex doc.

And you’re exactly right on my job too, I have been feeling super stressed out by my job that even after switching jobs, I can’t get rid of my anxiety despite having a slightly better workload. Like you said, I have been in this continuous search of thrills - maybe this is why people end up streaking

Re: Worries about my sexual life
 

Erm, you just answered your own question. Yes! You are addicted to porn. You should seek professional addiction help. You are not alone in this. Main part of your ED problem is due to porn consumption. Stop for 2 months and you should see recovery. Go get help.

Re: Worries about my sexual life
 

Not easy right, got attached liao but still want to fuck many other girls? I think most guys all have this same problem. But there are exception, in school last time i liked a girl very much that other pretty girls are invisible to me, not even sexual urge for other pretty girls. This girl i liked wasn't even that pretty at most a 6 to 7 for face. The issue is what are each guy's chances of meeting such a girl that you liked so much and she also like you. So just appreciate her and try to seek help from doctor first bah. Another problem is you are still not ready to settle down.

For me i continue playing around cos i haven't meet a 6-7 (in terms of looks) girl like last time who can make me like her that much and she like me also.

I guessed your job situation cos last time i also keep going to prostitutes because of my stressful job and end of OT feeling super void in the heart with no female company, friends also cannot fill the void. You could be feeling void in your heart also thats y you chase porn and fetish. Maybe try to get your gf involve sexually after your stressful job. Roleplay from your porno search buy sex toy. Like if you like bdsm then talk to your girl to agree to become your slave in bed instead of searching the net. If you like hidden camera then agree with her that you want to take hidden video of her and get her consent first agreed on paper. Do at hotel, then do at different hotel so can keep satisfying your fetish for new hidden camera. But of course do everything within the law. If both of you cannot compromise on this then you may have a problem in future coping on your own without eating outside. You may like to relook and find other girls who matches your sexual orientation and urges

Another possibility is because you feel the urge need to do something thrilling and secretive to curb your work stress that one i know thats why i go prostitute, thrilling and secretive. There is no quick cure for this, one of the way i try to curb it is by making it non-secretive anymore. I started by going to IMH and tell the doctors my problem. Then later I tell my siblings i go to find girls, i also tell my mum. It is important you only tell people whom you trust and can be trusted. You don't want other to use it against you. So these days i still like to browse prostitute cos all guys like girls one mah. But i feel i can delay visiting prostitute unless too much sperm clog the brain and need to release. It is natural to want to fuck girls. Mother nature at work.

Thrilling and secretive the reason why many married women have affairs outside.

Im guessing that the stress from work pushes our brain to a certain great limit, that a certain part in the brain become super active but numb at the same time and its calling the human to give it stimulation. Thats y the thrill seeking.

Lastly you search because you are bored, theres nothing meaningful for you to do after work and searching porn is to kill your boredom.

In summary i am guessing your urge to do something thrilling and secretive is your biggest issue that you need to tackle first.

pls up my points if my pointers help, thank you

Re: Worries about my sexual life
 

Your stressful job is reason number one for your inability to get excited unless put in a situation like outdoors sex or anything super exciting and thrilling.
To me, I feel you should be honest with ur GF about what thrills you.
Cos taking the next step n having a working n good marriage will require both parties to work at it.
I was divorced because I could not be honest with my 1st wife about matters regarding sex. I remarried, and was perfectly honest with my current wife about my sexual preferences for fetishes that excite me and until today I have enjoyed more than 18 years of good marriage and equally satisfying sex life (no need for FL etc) cos my wife knows what kind of freak I am and caters to it and eventually became a freak like me LMAO.
Honesty is the best way to start it and make the marriage last n happy.

Re: Worries about my sexual life
 

Sex gets better after you get married...said NO ONE EVER! If its not working now, it will only get worse after marriage. No apartment is worth the misery of living with someone you are not in love with and connected to. These BTO marriages rarely end up in happy long term situations. I have couple friends who are going though painful expensive and miserable divorces because they got married for the sake of the BTO. Dont do it or suffer later.

you should talk to your girlfriend about it. this doesn't seem just like a one sided issue. she needs to take some accountability as well. do update us.

Re: Worries about my sexual life
 

Indeed, good advice there. Sex is an integral part of long lasting marriages.
Idealism vs Realism, we all wish that the Disney-like love ever after ideal can endure. Too bad we live in a real world. There are needs to be met.

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Re: Worries about my sexual life
 

If you are someone who need sex and want wild sex, probably you will be disappointed. Ur gf now already cannot satisfied you, married liao worst. With housework, children, confirm no sex

Re: Worries about my sexual life
 

Yes i agree bro, and what you said that really struck me was that there is nothing meaningful for me to do after work. I would not really say there is no meaning, but through these few years of Covid and pandemic and with some other personal issues, it got to the point where I was questioning myself what is the point of living just to work and drag myself through every day. In this sense, I might be trying all sorts of ways give myself some thrill in life - I am lucky I am sensible enough not to indulge in illegal stuff like drugs or harrassing girls in any way.

I also agree that I should probably seek some help, but I have trust issues so I cannot bring myself to confide in my friends regarding this, and I am not so sure whether going to places like IMH would really be able to help me with this. If you dont mind, could you share how you got better mentally in terms of your thoughts at each stage of recovery? You can PM me if you find this hard to disclose here.

Thank you!

Re: Worries about my sexual life
 

Actually I did tell my gf before about my fetishes, and honestly I can tell she tries to please me. However, to me it was very obvious that she doesnt enjoy these herself and she was just trying to please me. As a sensitive person, I find it hard to enjoy anything if the other party doesn't enjoy it. She does not watch porn nor masturbate, so I find it hard to "communicate" with her about these as compared to a hornier girl where sex is part and parcel of everyone's life.

I assume that at some late stage in your first marriage, you would have tried telling her about it but it did not come to a resolution. If you dont mind sharing, was it that you shared about your fetishes but she was adamant in not giving into them for your sake? As a lot of bros have said, sex is a big part of marriage and if I cannot resolve things as they are now, they will only get worse in the future, which is why Im paranoid about it now because other than this, she is genuinely a very nice girl. For other bros in such situations, do you guys just relieve yourself outside behind your spouse's back?

Re: Worries about my sexual life
 

Yea bro. In some ways it is my issue as well since she does not watch porn, but she is my first gf so I am not experienced in bedroom stuff as well to be able to guide her properly.

Honestly there are times where I wish I am able to get a couple to actually allow us to watch and guide us (I am hopeless I know). but there is no way she would actually allow this

Re: Worries about my sexual life
 

Like another bro pointed out above, I think (and hope) that my current thrill seeking tendecies is due to the numbness from work related stress. I have always been a bit of a closet pervert, but these few years certain actions have been risky - from nude walks to discreetly stimulating myself in public wearing shorts w/o underwear and spraying my cum out with people walking behind me, I always feel extreme guilt and paranoia but I end up doing it again. I am just sensible to not just streak in public for everyone to see.

I know my actions make me a creep to some bros but I really do not feel good about it and Im trying to resolve it as well, hopefully by improving my sex life with my gf so I can do away with all these.